On Marriage and Sacredness

Bear with me here. Going back to Genesis 2, humans name things to distinguish this from that. It is basic cognitive processing, and marriage is an established mental construct. Those do not bend easily. Point to two men or two women and say marriage, and people like those in the examples above object, insisting that that is not what the word means. Is that bigotry? Maybe. For some, probably. But try this naming thought experiment (in your mind’s eye):

I hold up a cup and call it a box.

I hold up a plate and call it a bowl.

I hold up a spoon and call it a fork.

I hold up a kitten and call it a puppy.

I hold up a can and call it a jar.

I hold up a square and call it a circle, etc.

Trying that the other day induced a headache. Because the mind is a difference engine. It knows that even among similar things, this is not that.

When we see that opponents are unwilling to share the word marriage with LGBT couples, that is part of it. For them, two men or two women is not a marriage. First, because it conflicts with a mental construct fixed since childhood. It may be marriage-like, but it is different, requiring a separate name. But secondly, they oppose same-sex marriage because they refuse to accept that LGBT unions can be sacred.

Perhaps for a similar reason, LGBT friends balked at adopting alternate terms for their legal unions, terms that might decouple the fight for legal rights from social acceptance. They use gay marriage, same-sex marriage, or marriage equality instead of civil unions or domestic partnerships, and not just for the statutory differences. Because if same-sex unions are not marriage, they are not sacred and do not feel equal. It is a yearning buried in the sub rosa conversation. But in addition to legal equality, whether their relationships — their marriages — are sacred, whether neighbors in the community accept their unions as sacred is as meaningful for gay people as for everyone else. Civil union doesn’t quite cut it.

Still, if one’s goal is just to get to the other side of the mountain, going around or climbing the lowest pass will do. You don’t climb the steepest face without understanding that summiting makes getting to the other side harder. Recognition of LGBT relationships as sacred is a tougher climb, and not achievable through legislation anyway, any more than the Civil Rights and Voting Rights Acts settled the equality issue for African Americans. But by establishing their legal rights, passing those acts did lever open the door of acceptance a bit wider. On paper, at least. Recognition of sacredness for LGBT relationships will likely work the same way: over time.

(Cross-posted from Scrutiny Hooligans.)

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